While He Sleeps

As I lay here watching him sleep, it feels like that’s all I have done for most of his life. Which is somewhat true since he rarely opens his eyes. But with all the wires it takes me back to the NICU, where we spent 4 months watching him sleep. As I stare at him all I can think is wow. This is not the same baby, of course sometimes when he stretches his neck upward I can see the face of that 4 pound baby but overall he is so different.
So grownup.
I can see the subtle changes that 16 months have brought. His snores have gotten louder, he’s such a boy. He relaxes when he sleeps, as if nothing else can touch his moment of peace. The seizures take a break and all is right with the world. There is a bit of yellowing around his nostrils, leaving a small reminder of his daily regimen of cortisol replacement therapy. His hands are open now, a result of intensive therapy and taping techniques. His tiny chubby fingers now visible where only a balled fist once was. Tiny chubby fingers that now have a glimmering hope of holding a piece of food or a small toy or even holding him up to crawl.
Its amazing how watching someone sleep, even someone so little can show you pieces of hope. A promise. Like dreams, they show you the path you have traveled that leads to the doors you are headed towards.

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One thought on “While He Sleeps

  1. Louisa says:

    Have you had a lot of trouble with this? We held a fundraiser for our little guy….fb page…exc. to pay for ABM and alternative therapies. we got a bit of slamming, and accused of scamming.

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